Why do Victims Stay?
People stay with abusive partners for many different reasons. By understanding these reasons, you can explore your options for living a violence-free life and avoid feelings of guilt and isolation.
- You fear you will be beaten more severely. Your batterer has threatened to find and kill or harm you, your children, and your family.
- You depend on the batterer for shelter, food, and other necessities.
- You have no one to talk to who understands and believes you.
- You believe your children need two parents, and you don't want to raise them alone.
- You want to keep the family together and live up to your religious commitment to remain with your partner.
- You fear that you won't be able to take care of yourself and your children alone.
- You want to stand by your partner and be loyal to the relationship.
- Your partner has threatened to commit suicide if you leave.
- You believe that things will get better.
- You believe that no one else will love you.
- You fear your family and friends will be ashamed of you.
- You feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated and don't want anyone to know what is happening.
- You think others will believe that you are "low class" or stupid for staying as long as you already have.
- You believe that you need to be in a relationship to feel like a complete person.
- You fear that you will be deported or that your children will be taken out of the country.
- If you are in a same sex relationship, you fear that you will be "outed" or that no one will believe you.
- Your job is to make the relationship work, and if it does not work, you are to blame.
- If you stay, you can "save" the batterer and help him or her get better.